Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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