I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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