so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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