I just made out with a guy for $7.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
