I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
