White coat. Heels.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
