I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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