Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
