I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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