i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize