What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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