Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
