Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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