I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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