Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
