i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We smell like vodka and hangover
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
