Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
