ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
