Please, let me fuck your mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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