help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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