he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
