Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
