i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
