allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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