I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
