Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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