You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
