EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
