Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
