does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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