Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
