My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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