matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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