Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
