im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
