Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
