nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
