Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your penis caused this!
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