Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
