I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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