the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
