Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
