that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
