Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
