I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
