i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
