you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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