rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
