Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
