the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
