he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
