thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
