So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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