imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
