I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
