Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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