I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
babies were throwing up all over the place
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
