I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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