everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize