I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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