She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
