I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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