those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
